Why Moving Abroad Can Make You Feel Less Competent
| It’s Complicated

In my new article, “Why Moving Abroad Can Make You Feel Less Competent,” published on It’s Complicated, I explore something I have experienced personally and frequently encounter in my cross-cultural coaching work: why moving abroad can make even highly experienced, capable people question their competence, confidence, and sense of identity.

It’s Complicated is an international mental health platform connecting people with therapists and other mental health professionals and publishing resources on psychological well-being, relationships, and personal development. Alongside contributing articles to the platform, I also have a professional coaching profile on It’s Complicated, where I offer leadership, cross-cultural, and embodiment coaching to individuals navigating professional transitions, cultural adaptation, identity, and personal growth.

In the article, I introduce the competence paradox of moving abroad: the experience of feeling less capable after an international move, even though your underlying knowledge, skills, and abilities have not disappeared. What changes is the cultural, social, and professional context in which you access and express them.

Having lived in five countries and worked with clients from more than 35 countries, I’ve seen how much of our everyday confidence depends on things we barely notice until they are no longer available: familiar communication styles, professional networks, language fluency, social relationships, cultural knowledge, and an intuitive understanding of how things work.

Professional identity and international career transitions are an important part of this experience. You may have years of leadership experience, strong qualifications, and an established professional reputation, yet find yourself having to demonstrate your value all over again in a new market. Your capabilities remain, but the environment in which they are recognized has changed.

Language adds another dimension. When you cannot express yourself with the same speed, nuance, or confidence as in your first language, it can become surprisingly easy to confuse communication fluency with intelligence, personality, or professional competence.

I also explore the invisible mental load of cultural adaptation, the relationship between culture and identity, and why feeling less confident after relocation does not necessarily mean confidence itself is the problem.

A central theme is that adapting to a new culture does not require abandoning who you are.

I often use the analogy of a puzzle in my coaching work. Some pieces of our identity remain exactly where they are, others need to move, and new pieces appear as we grow. The picture changes, but we still get to decide how those pieces fit together.

The article also considers what these experiences mean for coaches and therapists working with internationally mobile clients. Understanding cultural context is essential before interpreting changes in confidence, independence, communication, or behavior as purely individual challenges.

These questions are central to my broader work in executive coaching, cross-cultural leadership, mentoring, and supporting expats and globally mobile professionals through career, leadership, and identity transitions.